


The Dissociation of a Complex Mind

by lil_pianissimo



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anxiety, Attempted Sexual Assault, Body Image, Childhood Trauma, Developing Relationship, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insomnia, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Switching, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Triggers, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:49:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22315102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_pianissimo/pseuds/lil_pianissimo
Summary: Izaya Orihara had a reputation of being the most cynical, beguiling, deceiving excuse for a human in the entire city, yet his life was an enigma. He preferred to keep it that way.However, after an unfortunate series of events, a certain blonde bartender discovers a secret that the info broker never, ever, wanted to let loose.That there were 7 of him.Now, Izaya has to balance Shizuo meeting his alters, discovering his triggers, memories and trauma, and keeping as much of it hidden as he mentally can. All while an unknown predator in the city stalks the fragile mastermind.What a fucking eventful Tuesday.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 21
Kudos: 156





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is a new thing I am writing because I thought it would be cool and interesting. This was inspired by the channel DissociaDID on YouTube, who is a mental health advocate and helps spread awareness of Dissociative Identity Disorder. You should totally go check them out! 
> 
> THIS STORY IS COMPLETELY MADE UP. None of these events in here are based off of anything, just the way that Izaya acts. The switching, the symptoms, etc. There will also not be any graphic descriptions of anything specific. It is more so implied.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Izaya Orihara was a horrible person. Everyone knew this. He played with people’s feelings like a game of Poker and purposefully indicted misery and misfortune on others for fun. His world was a board game and the people he met were his players, like a mentally crippling game from Saw. He did a fantastic job of getting people to fear him and hate him, but his reputation was the only thing that preceded him.

There weren’t very many people who could say they knew the broker personally. The man tended to stray away from measly normality’s like friends, relationships, and so forth. Nobody ever saw him with anyone but himself and the occasional client. 

Therefore, Izaya Orihara as a character pegged the mystery of who he really was. No one would dare try to figure it out for themselves, but among the many eccentric individuals in Ikebukuro, he was no different. The only difference was that he was surrounded by people who knew each other through one situation and another, yet he was known by everyone and not at all. He was an enigma and he planned to keep it that way.  
Until a certain blonde bartender found a little piece to his puzzle…

Now, much like the psychopath, Shizuo Heiwajima is one of the most recognizable and feared individuals in the entire city. Perhaps even more so than the info broker. His fuse was so short that even thinking of a flame could set him off and blow up everything within a ten-mile radius. Ironically, the blonde didn’t like violence, yet always found himself in the middle of it. This completely normal situation was no different.

Truthfully, Shizuo had been minding his own business and smoking a cigarette with Celty when they noticed a group of thugs emerge from an abandoned warehouse at the end of the block. Looking to the other for approval, they hopped on Shooter and drove to the building to check out the commotion. Once they arrived at the scene Shizuo grabbed the collar of a man that was running away and escaping.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” He questioned calmly, much to the man’s terror. 

“N-nothing!” He stuttered.

“Clearly it isn’t nothing. You look scared shitless.”

“That’s because he’s involved in a human trafficking scheme and knows that if he reveals their plans he’ll be killed.”

Shizuo’s anger rose as he turned to the obnoxious raven who had just casually walked out of the large warehouse door.

The man in his grip started squirming, “Don’t let him near me! He’s crazy!” 

That was weird. This guy was scared of Izaya, and not him?

Izaya chuckled darkly, “I’m certain he is also aware that he’s a dead man either way.”

“The hell did he do to you?” Shizuo spit out spitefully but stopped when he actually saw him.

Izaya didn’t look the same. He had a hateful, deep set glare present and his expression was devoid from his usual Cheshire smirk. In its place was a scowl that would rival even his own, and the man had specks of blood scattered on his face and on his shirt. He looked like Norman Bates from Psycho. Shizuo trailed down and noticed his hands were caked in blood. His gaze was furious, almost animalistic, and nothing like the Izaya he knew.

Almost like he was a completely person.

“Are you really going to pretend to care about us now that there’s blood on our hands?”

Why did he address himself plurally?

Celty whipped out her translator to type something and show it to Shizuo. 

What’s wrong with him?

“How should I know?” The blonde responded as he took one look at the pleading man in his grip and decided he should throw him as far as he could for the trafficking comment alone. 

After his spurt of aggression was satisfied, Shizuo was suddenly met with a solid punch to the face from Izaya. His head jerked to the right and he could feel the sting from where his skin must’ve caught the rings on his fingers.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! That fucker was mine!” 

Shizuo growled as he threw his own punch, only for Izaya to dodge it, which was not out of character for him.

What was out of character was him fighting back.

Izaya took hold of Shizuo’s arm and firmly twisted it the wrong way. Now, Shizuo has had multiple bones broken, fractured, muscles torn and bruised, but when a limb isn’t supposed to go somewhere it won’t go the way it shouldn’t. So, Shizuo followed the direction of the twisted limb to prevent damage and while he was distracted by his shock Izaya elbowed Shizuo in his jaw and grabbed him by the hair, throwing him down at his feet. He caught himself hard with his hands and was lucky he had quick acting instincts because he threw up his arm up to block the next attack. A sharp explosion of pain spread through his arm as Celty’s shadows wrapped around the crazed informant, successfully restraining him. He gaze shifted to his arm and was stunned to see a knife embedded in his arm. 

Izaya always cut. His thing was cutting. He tried to cut him multiple times and if he managed to catch his skin they were not very deep.

Izaya had just stabbed him. The knife was stuck in his forearm. 

He turned back to Izaya where he was fighting against the shadows, “Let me go you stupid bitch! I’m not finished!” Izaya grimaced and groaned, “I said, I’m not finished here!” He shut his eyes tightly like he was in pain. A shadow came around Izaya’s mouth to prevent him from screaming any further, but it looked to be unnecessary because Izaya’s body went limp in the restraints. Shizuo got a bad feeling.

“Did he just fucking black out?!” Celty quickly got onto her bike with Izaya and typed something.

We’ve got to take him to Shinra! Something is wrong with him! 

Shizuo nodded in response as she typed something else.

Meet me there. You need to get your arm checked too. The bike sped off with a cry and Shizuo immediately followed in the same direction.

What the fuck was wrong with Izaya?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! 2 chapters at once. How do you like them apples? It's 3 am. I'm very tired.

Shizuo knocked on the door to Shinra and Celty’s place urgently. He didn’t give a damn about the flea, but he had to admit that this whole thing seemed off. Izaya wasn’t instinctively wild and violent, he was contemptuous and calculating. He created violence, he was the match to a fire, but he was never on the front lines. He always focused more on behind the scenes shit, not whatever stunt he pulled at the warehouse.

The door opened, “Hey, Shizuo! Come in! Celty said you would be coming.” The bespectacled doctor greeted as the blonde ignored him completely and pushed him aside.

“Stop talking so much! Where is the goddamn flea?”

Shinra dropped the act and professionally adjusted his glasses, “He’s resting right now. Celty told me everything. I can try and explain while I fix up your arm.”

Shizuo said nothing but nodded and walked over to slump on the sofa. He knew the drill.

As Shinra began to clean up his wound for stitches he started asking questions, “So, he’s alive, right?”

“Yeah, he’s too stubborn to die.”

Shizuo snarled, “I’m well aware.”

Shinra stopped mid-antiseptic, “Shizuo, there’s something that you need to understand about Izaya—”

“Fucking finally! Where was this explanation in high school?!”

“Now, calm down, and listen. It’s complicated—”

“Well, it better not be normal with the shit he’s done.”

“Shizuo! What exactly happened at the warehouse?”

“I thought you were giving the explanation?!”

“It will come, but I need this from you first. He put a hole in your arm.”

Shizuo looked down, “Yeah, you’re right, he did.”

“So, tell me what happened.”

He groaned, “I don’t fucking know! He was the same old bastard he’s always been! He was just…more mental!”

Shinra crossed his arms, “Explain.”

“He was just crazy. You saw what he looked like! There was blood all over him! Celty and I didn’t go into the warehouse. Who knows what he did in there!”

Shinra nodded his head, “Right, and Celty said he was acting funny.”

“Not funny, Shinra, completely ballistic! Like he wasn’t even the same person!”

“Technically, he wasn’t.”

Shizuo paused, “What the hell are you talking about?”

He sighed, “Look, this is going to be a lot for your brain to process.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“I’m just saying that there isn’t a lot of research on it, so it’s difficult for anybody to process!”

“That’s what I thought you said.” It took him a minute to process what Shinra just said, “Wait, what?”

“As I was saying, Izaya doesn’t like others meddling in his personal life—”

“Fucking hypocrite.”

“I agree, but anyways, as his doctor there are things that I am required to know, or I can’t do my job.”

“What’s your point?”

“I really shouldn’t be telling you this because it is an invasion of a patient's privacy, but it will help to explain what you saw out there.” Shinra took a deep breath, “Izaya has dissociative identity disorder.”

Shizuo was silent, “…so, what does that mean?”

He started stitching up Izaya’s work, “Honestly, I don’t know too much about it myself, it isn’t really my forte. It’s a really complicated psychological condition that takes a very long time to diagnose. It’s no wonder that he was only diagnosed just a year ago.”

“A year?! What about it makes it take so long?! What even is it?!”

“From my basic understanding, DID can only develop before a child’s personality starts developing, so before the age of seven. The co-conscious mind creates multiple different personalities to hold horrible trauma in the child. It’s a way of self-defense and protection from the harm of the memories. They have similar symptoms to other psychological disorders, so it’s commonly misdiagnosed.”

Shizuo was stunned, “What…what does this have to do with the warehouse?”

“I’m saying that you probably didn’t see Izaya at the warehouse, but one of his alters.”

“I don’t really understand…” This was a lot for Shizuo to process, “If he has so many personalities, then how can we tell which one is him?”

“That’s a loaded question because, technically, every personality is him. He’s really good at hiding it, so chances are that you have seen one of his alters before and have not realized it.”

Amidst Shizuo’s confusion, Celty walked out of a spare bedroom with a very confused looking Izaya. 

Shinra got up after finishing Shizuo’s stab wound and walked over to them with a fake smile on his face, “Izaya! How are you feeling?”

“How did I get here?” 

“Celty brought you here after you blacked out in the middle of a fight with Shizuo.” He pointed at the blonde on the couch, “I was just fixing him up while you slept, but since you’re awake I can check you out!”

Izaya gave Shinra a suspicious once over, “I don’t remember that at all.”

“What do you mean you don’t remember it?! You stabbed me!” Shizuo accused as Izaya sneered.

“And not a scratch on me! That sounds about right!”

“Why you little--!”

Shinra stepped in between their line of sight, “Anyways, since you seem to be having a bit of amnesia, I’m going to give you a check-up whether you like it or not!”

“How considerate of you, Shinra.”

“Now sit down so I can examine you.”

“But, Shinra, there’s a beast sitting on your sofa. That’s unsanitary.”

“Izaya!” Shizuo growled.

His eyes lit up, “And dangerous!”

Shinra shoved the raven to the chair right next to the sofa, “Izaya, be good. Don’t tempt Shizuo.”

Izaya raised a curious brow, “Tempt him? What am I, a woman?”

Shizuo went to snap the little bastards neck, but Celty graciously kept him from doing so.

Shinra gave Izaya a look, “You know what I meant. Could you please behave for ten minutes?”

“You’re asking for a lot, Shinra.” He replied sarcastically.

The doctor sighed, “Promise me.”

He put his hands up in defense, “Fine, I’ll be quiet, but I don’t make promises I can't guarantee to keep.” 

Shinra, being happy with just getting him to cooperate, let it go. “Alright, Izaya, what is the last thing you do remember?”

“Same thing as always. I was doing a job, which happened to be at the warehouse, and then the rest is gone.”

“You don’t remember anything else?!” Shizuo spit out.

Celty was waving her hands, trying to motion for him to shut up, while Izaya just raised a disinterested brow, “Should I?”

Shinra coughed, “How about this?” He pointed to some bruises around Izaya’s neck, “Where did you get those?” Noticing the raven’s confusion, Shinra brought up a   
mirror. 

Izaya gingerly poked at the blue and purple discoloration, “Hm. I have no idea what those could be from.”

The doctor tread lightly, “I suppose you don’t know about the rope burns on your wrists and ankles either.”

Shizuo and Celty watched the two anxiously as the anticipation of whether or not Izaya would flip out on them again left them in suspense.

Izaya didn’t even bother to look at his wrists, “Nope.”

“Are you positive you don’t remember anything? You came in here with blood all over you.”

Izaya said nothing.

“Izaya?”

He snapped out of his trance, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Are you alright?”

He grinned, “Peachy, doc.” You could feel the mood in the room shift, but Shizuo couldn’t tell why, or what had happened.

Shinra’s demeanor changed, “You aren’t Izaya, are you?”

He chuckled and shook his head, “Nope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, I wonder who this could be? Dun dun dun! Any guesses? Don't forget to leave your predictions in the comments! I also like to hear some things you might want in case somebody happens to have a DOPE idea for this story. So, drop them down there! I'm not usually this hype, but it's 3 am. I am running on pure adrenaline. Goodnight, folks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that the italics aren't translating, so please forgive me for that. I don't know how to fix it. My computer is weird. If you think things should be italicized (like Celty's writing, or intended sarcasm and snarky remarks) then you are probably right.

Shizuo didn’t know what to think. The closest thing he could think of what shocked because, apparently, this wasn’t Izaya that they were talking to. He really could not begin to understand because it was still Izaya, right?

“That was the fastest switch I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even notice.” Shinra said as Not-Izaya shrugged.

“To be fair, we’ve never officially met.”

“If you say we haven’t then I am going to assume you right.” The doctor sat on the table in front on the raven and stuck out a hand, “In that case, I’m Shinra.”

Not-Izaya looked at the hand and then back to the bespectacled doctor, purposefully neglecting the outstretched hand, “Don’t act like you care to meet me. We both know you don’t give a shit about us.”

He put his hand to his chin, “Fascinating. You are much more aggressive than Izaya is.”

The raven clicked his tongue, “You bet I am. Without me this body would be fucking dead! I guarantee you that.”

“Why is that?”

“Because Izaya can’t fight worth a damn! All he knows how to do is run away! Well, if Izaya had stayed presented this afternoon we never would’ve gotten out of that warehouse unscathed!”

Shizuo was still baffled at this whole situation. It was like watching a movie, or some weird shit like that. Kasuka had once starred in a movie about a detective with schizophrenia and this sort of reminded him of his character, except he was watching one of the delusions act out.

Shinra raised a brow, “Ah, so you’re the one that got Izaya hurt.”

Not-Izaya glared angrily. Shinra had thoroughly pissed him off, “No, I protected the body! I did my job! These marks are proof that I got us out of there alive, you dumb fuck!”

Shinra put his hands up in defense, “Alright, I get it! Let’s not get hostile now! Geez, you really remind me of Shizuo.”

Not-Izaya smirked at Shizuo, “Oh, we’ve met.”

Shizuo growled, “Yeah, you fucking stabbed me, you little shit!”

“For good reason, you ignorant prick!”

“Why you--!”

“Try me, asshole!” 

Shinra began waving his hands desperately, “Ok, ok! Calm down! Jesus, you two are worse than him and Izaya!”

Not-Izaya stuck up his middle finger tauntingly while Shizuo just lit a cigarette in response.

The raven crossed his arms over his chest, “Look, I can’t stay long because I can feel Izaya crawling at my mind and it’s really fucking irritating!” He pointed to Shinra, “You wanted to know what was going on in the warehouse, you might as well ask the person who was there for it!”

A bell went off in Shinra’s head, “That’s why you presented just now!”

“Obviously. Now, are you going to interrogate me, or what?”

“First you have to tell me your name.

Not-Izaya rolled his eyes, “Hachimenroppi. But the other alters think that’s ridiculously horrendous, so I go by Roppi.”

Shinra smiled, “Alright, Roppi. Why don’t you tell me what happened in the warehouse?”

He smirked, “I beat those bastards is what I did.”

“What exactly did you do?”

“They had us tied down and held us by our throat. We must’ve switched in the middle of it because when I presented this thug bitch had his dick out! Doc, I went ballistic! I ripped us free and kicked that bastard’s teeth in!”

Shinra swallowed nervously, “Metaphorically or literally?”

He smiled sickly sweet, “What do you think?”

He coughed, “So, what else happened?”

Roppi sighed, “Oh, you know. Kicked out his teeth, stabbed this guy’s shoulder, I grabbed a sledge hammer at some point and went to town. I promise you I broke a few bones, maybe damaged an organ or two.”

“That explains the blood then.”

“Yeah, and I would’ve made them all pay if the freak show didn’t show up.”

“Hey!” The blonde yelled but was held back by Celty who just shook her head. She was right; it wasn’t worth it, but he still wanted to beat the shit out of him. 

Celty typed something on her translator to Roppi.

Izaya had mentioned something about a human-trafficking scheme. Can you tell us anything about that?

He squinted to read the writing, “First of all, I was the one who told you that. Second of all, no, I can’t. Izaya knows more about it than I do. If you really want to know about that than you should ask him.”

“You are him! This whole thing is bullshit! How can you remember some things and not others?!” Shizuo snapped at Roppi.

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you! If I don’t know I don’t know!” He cringed and held his head in his hands.

“Hey, Roppi, are you ok?”

Silence followed for a few seconds before he answered, “Sorry, I’m dissociating a bit.”

Shizuo watched intently. What the fuck was happening here?

Roppi put his hands down and stared at the floor for an uncomfortably long amount of time before he blinked and looked around him and back to Shinra.

“Sorry, what was the question?”

Shinra looked to Shizuo and Celty before back to the raven, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

He looked confused, “I told you already. I was there on business.”

“Flea?” The blonde asked as Izaya gave him a weary look.

“What? Why are you all looking at me like that?” It took Izaya a minute before his smirk faltered and he turned to Shinra, “Did I just…?”

He nodded, “Yeah. Someone named Roppi.”

Izaya looked absolutely horrified as he spared a quick glance at Shizuo and back to the ground, “I…I have to leave.”

“Izaya—”

He put his coat on from where it was sitting on a rack, “I have some business to attend to. Thank you for treating me, as always. Expect your payment in two business days.” And with that the raven was out the door. Silence fell heavy on the room.

Shinra turned to Shizuo, “You should talk to him.”

He about lost it, “What?! Why would I need to talk to that stupid pest?!”

“Shizuo, you don’t understand. I know about his condition because I need to know. Imagine how he feels knowing his worst enemy has seen him vulnerable.”

“That wasn’t vulnerability! He stabbed me!”

“I’m telling you that you need to talk to him about this. Celty, back me up here.” Celty nodded as Shizuo groaned.

He did feel bad. He wasn’t sure why, but the way that he had looked at him like he had seen something he shouldn’t set him off. Izaya had seemed so self-conscious and it sent a sinking feeling in his gut. He was beginning to think it was guilt.

“Ugh, fine! But I won’t like it!” Shizuo trudged out the door and down the elevator. Guess he was heading to Izaya’s place now. He groaned; he really wasn’t looking forward to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Drama. Did you like Roppi's aggression? He's suppossed to kind of mirror Shizuo, so tell me what you thought. Also, I've never done a slowish-burn because I'm really impatient, but let's see if i can get this to a good place.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Another chapter! I am terribly sorry for the wait, but I had school, and midterms, and now the Corona virus is a thing, so here is something that I hope you all like! We start getting into the nitty gritty soon.

By the time Shizuo had gotten to Izaya’s apartment he was no more prepared than when he had left. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to have a civilized discussion with someone he couldn’t stand or have to talk about an issue he wasn’t supposed to know about. He raised his hand to knock but paused…this was a bad idea. As he was contemplating his decisions, the door opened up, revealing a woman he vaguely recognized as Izaya’s secretary, but other than that he had no idea who she was. He guessed now he would have to man up to it.

“Uh, how did you know I was out here?”

“I didn’t. I’m leaving because my shift is over.” She monotoned.

“Right. That makes more sense…um, I need to—”

“Look, I don’t care what business you have with Izaya. My job here is done. If you want to go in and break his neck, I won’t be responsible.” She pushed passed him and down the hallway, leaving a stumped blonde. 

She paused and turned, “You might want to go in now while you have the time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, kill him while he’s distracted. You can thank me for the tip later.” Then she turned her back to him and walked away.

Well, she is certainly a character.  
Shizuo turned to the open door and knocked cautiously. “Hello?” He tested as he peaked his head through, “Flea, are you in here?” He closed the door and observed his surroundings. He had never been in Izaya’s house before, it felt strange. He was irritated with the thought that he had a nicer place than him because of fucking course he did.

When he turned the corner, he found the raven pacing back and forth in front of his desk. He better get this over with quickly so that he doesn’t bring the building crashing down. “Hey, flea!”

Izaya stopped at his desk and turned, “What the?! What are you--? How did you get in here?!”

“Your secretary let me in.”

He sighed and put his head in his hands, “I am going to murder that despicable woman!”

“Look, I don’t want to be here either, so if you just give me a minute I was told—”

“This is not the best time, Shizu-chan.”

“Shinra said I should apologize for being insensitive or something, so there.”

“Wow, great apology you got there. Where’d you get it? Walmart?”

“Just take it or leave it!”

“Leave it.”  
He fumed, “Fine! Whatever! I did what I came to do!” Shizuo noticed as he vented that Izaya’s eyes were tightly shut, like he was dealing with a bad headache or something. “Hey, stop doing that it isn’t a good look on you.” 

“Forgive me, I’m not having the best day…”

“I don’t give a shit.” Izaya didn’t respond at all to that and he realized that maybe this was the dissociation he had mentioned before. “Hey, are you ok?” He remained motionless for a second or two before his eyes blinked open.

Izaya stood up straight and slowly looked around. He jumped when his eyes landed on Shizuo making the blonde jump as well, “Oh! Goodness, you startled me.”

“Um…sorry…?”

He slapped his forehead, “Duh! How rude of me! I’m Hibiya, it’s nice to finally meet you.” 

Hibiya stuck out a hand and Shizuo took it cautiously, “Shizuo Heiwajima. Are you…? Are you one of Izaya’s…fuck, what’s the word?!”

“Alters.”

“Yes! That!”

Hibiya chuckled, “I am. This information must be new to you.”

“You have no idea.”

“Well, I fancy myself a cup of coffee if you would like one.”

“Uh, no thanks. I don’t like coffee.”

“Oh, don’t worry! When I say coffee I really mean cream and sugar with coffee on the side!”

Shizuo found himself laughing, which was weird because he was looking at Izaya, yet he didn’t feel angry, “I’ll give it a shot then.”

He clapped his hands together, “Wonderful!” He hurried away to the kitchen and began to brew some coffee for the two of them. Shizuo stood around awkwardly not really knowing how to act anymore. Hibiya laughed at his behavior, “You can sit down if you’d like! Don’t stand there like a stranger!”

Technically, they were strangers. This was a different alter, but he had thought that he knew everything about the flea. Now he wasn’t so confident anymore. 

He chose a spot on the couch, “So, who are you in relation to Izaya?”

Hibiya arrived with two very light cups of coffee, “We are not related.”

“No, I meant—God! This is so hard!”

“Are you new to the revelation of us having DID, Heiwajima-san?”

“Yeah, and, fuck! It is so hard to ask questions about something you don’t understand!”

He hummed, “Well, I’ll answer any questions you have as long as they are within reason.”

“I know what it is! Shinra kind of explained it to me, but there’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t make sense to me. Like, what are alters? Why are they there?”

“Good question. We are fragmented parts of the body’s consciousness. We each have different roles and personalities with our system and that is the basics of it.”

“Alright, the way you said it made way more sense than what that stupid doctor said!”

He giggled, “Now, how can a doctor be stupid?”

“You would know if you met him.”

“I see.”

There was a quick minute of silence as Shizuo tried the coffee. He was surprised by how sweet it was. He enjoyed it.

“So, how do you know Izaya, Heiwajima-san?”

“I hate his guts.”

“I didn’t ask how you felt about him, I asked how you knew him.”

He blushed, “Oh.”

Hibiya laughed, “You’re cute, Heiwajima-san!”

Shizuo was appalled, “Wait, what?!”

This got another rise out of the raven, “You’re funny! I enjoy your company! I’m not usually fronted outside of the body, so it can get very lonely sometimes up in here.”

“Oh…well, what do you usually do?”

“I’m the caretaker. I mostly take care of the littles in our system, so I am very rarely around the other alters.”

“Why are you fronted now then? Fronted is the word, right?”

He nodded, “Izaya was feeling quite anxious and overwhelmed, so I saw it better that I front so he would have a chance to calm down.”

“No offense, but you are much for tolerable than he is.”

“I ought to be. It’s in my nature.” He took a sip of his coffee, “Now, I understand that you came to apologize?”

“Yeah, but I should really be going now.”

He stared pensively, “Without apologizing?”

Shizuo was confused, “I already apologized. You weren’t there for that.”

“Oh, but I was, and, no offense, but that was a pretty garbage apology.”

He felt the anger rising, “Hey, watch it! An apology is an apology! Don’t push me!”

Hibiya put down his cup, “I deal with littles, Heiwajima-san. Your temper does not faze me.”

“Why you--!”

“I don’t think you understand how taxing this disorder is for a person. Anything can trigger a response at a given moment and frankly living in the city makes it more likely. Today was especially stressful and you need to give us a proper apology, despite how you may feel about us.”

He threw his hands up, “Why don’t you try and talk to somebody you can’t stand?! Just looking at you makes me want to blow a fuse!”

Hibiya’s eyebrows furrowed, “Watch it, Heiwajima. You are walking on thin ice. It doesn’t matter how hard it is for you. What is more important? The hate or being a decent person?”

“Tell that to the flea!”

“He doesn’t know any better. He sees the world differently than you do.”

Shizuo clicked his tongue, crossing his arms. He hated to admit it, but not only was Hibiya getting under his skin, he had a valid point. He had no idea what kind of things the flea had been through in his life. Based on what Shinra said it must’ve been pretty shit. How bad do things have to be in order to break off into different people? He didn’t like that he felt guilt and pity.

“Alright, fine! I’m sorry.”

The raven stared at the cup and then at Shizuo perplexed, “That’s not like you. What for?”

“This whole thing. I shouldn’t have called you crazy or doubted what you’re going through. I just get fed up and angry with things I don’t understand and the majority of the time it involves you. So, I’m sorry if I offended you or was insensitive in any way.”

The raven seemed shocked and unprepared for such a speech. He absentmindedly took a sip of the coffee and cringed at the taste, setting the cup down. “Uh, wow. I wasn’t expecting that from you. Who made this?” He asked, avoiding the conversation as he pointed to the coffee.

Shizuo sighed and face palmed, “Great. You must’ve switched back during my internal crisis…uh, you did, or Hibiya did.”

“Ah. That explains a lot.” There was a heavy, uncomfortable silence that settled between the two. It was weighted, suffocating and one would usually be able to cut through the thickness with a knife, but their knife would just get stuck.

“Thank you—”  
“I’m sorry—”

They both said simultaneously and stared at each other.

“My bad—”  
“You first—”

Well…this was weird.

Izaya cleared his throat, “Thank you.”

Shizuo was stunned, “Did you just thank me?”

He flushed a light shade of pink, “It’s common courtesy, but I’ll take it back if you don’t want it.”

“I just don’t think I heard you right. Could you say it one more time?”

“Take it or leave it, Shizu-chan.”

He shrugged and pulled out a cigarette, “I’ll take it.” Shizuo went to light it but was stopped by Izaya’s voice. “What?”

He seemed disconcerted, “I would prefer if you didn’t smoke in here.”

“Oh, that’s right. You don’t like smoking.”

“It’s just…it’s a trigger…or something. The smell of it is.”

“…oh.” He put the cancer stick back in it’s cartridge and Izaya looked to be relieved and grateful at the action. 

“You should be leaving now.”

“Right.” But neither of them moved. “Well, thank you for the coffee.”

He cringed, “That was not coffee. That was—”

“Cream and sugar with a dash of coffee. That’s what Hibiya said too.” He basked in the baffled stare Izaya gave him as he turned to leave, “I’ll be seeing you, I guess.”

As he opened the door to leave Izaya grabbed his arm, “Wait.” He turned perplexed at the hand on his forearm, “Maybe you could assist me with something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you like it? This one had me stumped, but I actually liked how it turned out! Let me know what you think.


	5. Update

Hey, this isn't a new chapter, but I just wanted to update everyone that has been reading this that I am aware that it has been a while, but I am just so uninspired for everything. With school, work, and the pandemic, there is a lot going on. I will continue this eventually, but if I'm not inspired I am not satisfied with my writing. I'm like Hamilton, except...not. XD I promise I will get back to this. Thank you for patiently waiting and I appreciate everyone's support with the story!

**Author's Note:**

> Dang, it is almost 3 in the morning. I did proofread this, but it is 3 in the morning. Cut me some slack if you spot a bump in the road! Also, I LOVE critique and love hearing your opinions, so tell me some of your predictions, what you like so far, and maybe give some suggestions! I don't have a thorough plan for this story, so maybe your idea will be thrown into the pot of boiling suspense! *wink wonk*


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